Dear Agony

June 2, 2011 at 5:21 pm (Uncategorized)

Dear Agony,

Carry me to heavens arms, light the way and let me go.

Take the time and take my breath.

Just let go of me,suffer slowly,
is this the way it’s gonna be?

Dear agony ….

Don’t let forever drag me down as I fight for one last breath

Dont bury me, oh faceless enemy I’m so sorry.

Is this the way it’s gotta be? Oh dear agony

Just let me go, faith lift me up as I fall behind.

—–
Excerpt from Dear Agony by Breaking Benjamin

I’ve been replaying this song for about 3 weeks now, I don’t particularly think I’m in pain but once the track comes on I feel drained by the time it’s done…Then I hit replay.

I guess there’s something buried that I may never be able to come to terms with.

But right now, at this moment, writing this, I don’t want to know.

Deaunan

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Funniest bank letter…

April 23, 2011 at 5:35 am (Uncategorized)

For the record this is not my write up, found it online and found it hilarious. As  an awesome person I decided to share ( http://www.snopes.com/business/bank/takethat.asp )

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Below is an actual letter sent to a bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, prerecorded faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will, therefore and hereafter, no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. Press buttons as follows:

1.- To make an appointment to see me.
2.- To query a missing payment.
3.- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4.- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. -To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6.- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7.- To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated at a later date to the Authorized Contact.
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever-so-slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client


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A love note….

April 22, 2011 at 6:10 pm (Uncategorized)

Your love overwhelms me,

That you left your throne to save me,

That by death you gave me life.

I love you more than life,

I deny, disobey, disappoint,

but you stretch out your arms in forgiveness.

I say i’m sorry, you say I love you.

I say i’m tired, you say I’ll carry you.

I say i’m leaving, you say I’ll wait for you.

Love unwavering of the purest kind.

You saw me unworthy, and unfaithful

but your faithfulness and holiness cleanses me.

I cannot imagine, what you went through for me,

the insults, the agony, I truly cover my head with shame.

I am not the best person with words or self expression,

I in fact feel like  I am rambling on….

but lord take this love note as words of humble adoration.

I love and thank you, always have, and always will.

It has been a while since my last blog post, why I been uber busy!

This week, the holidays finally begin and what a great way to start of with Easter weekend!!!

Although I am very sure lots of people will celebrate it all over the world, I am even more sure that most people are happier for the break than its reason.

I am always emotionally overwhelmed during Christmas and Easter, and  in as much as Christmas in important Easter is the basis of Christianity🙂, The fact that someone loves you so much that he would go through unspeakable torture and die just so you can live.

Many people doubt this, some call it lunacy, but faith is believing in things unseen, and having evidence in your heart that the things hoped for are coming. That when the worlds stands up against you, you know that everything will be alright.

So, I wrote this note, knowing that God does not read my blog, twitter or Facebook. I needed to do this for me and whomever it may touch.Putting finger to keyboard, these words can barely scratch the surface of my feelings but for me its worth it🙂.

Easter Celebrates that the Lord Jesus Christ died and  rose again. That he laid down his life so that you and I can take up ours. That’s the reason for Easter and as you take time to enjoy the holiday, take time to say “THANK YOU”.

I JUST DID

Happy Easter Everyone

Deaunan

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Stare until something happens

April 11, 2011 at 3:59 pm (resolutions) (, )

Years ago, probably sometime in 2004 ( Yeap that Is officially “years” ago) I got probably the best advice ever. I just thought I ought to share.

I was much younger and needless to say kinda a brat. So because I knew my brother ( older) never liked his stuff getting messed with I’d call him up every ten mins to fix the pc. ” tolu how do I close this window” “tolu the pc is making funny noises” “tolu I think I hung the pc”, generally speaking I’m pretty sure I was slightly tiresome.

One day, really needed to print and this was the time when pcs were uber huge and not “completely” automated with all dem cool buttons. I couldn’t figure the printer out especially since I needed to load up a new cartridge.

I kept yelling for this young man, so out of anger I stomped my feet and went to demand he leave his video game and come help me. I mean if not I’d ruin it and he’ll be upset anyway.

He calmly looked at me and said “stare at it”

Like what!

He repeated himself and said “yes, stare at it till u figure it out. I’m not getting up. I’m pretty sure u can, if u spoil it – no problem”

So, I went back and for the next 3hrs I was frowning and staring at this huge printer dat didn’t seem to like me😦. However, after a while it hit me! All I needed to do was press the silly tiny button WHILE pulling. I felt like the smartest person in the world and as you would expect I marched over to tell him I figured it out and didn’t need him anyway!

Although seemingly insignificant i figured out that all problems have solutions all u have to do is persist. If it takes hours, days or months. Its most likely be the most obvious thing, but ull feel completely awesome and most importantly ull never forget it🙂.

Thanks Aniki! Tolu-San I got nothing but love 4u!

Ciao
Deaunan

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Lessons from my 9year old self

March 29, 2011 at 6:48 am (Uncategorized)

In primary school one of my teachers said to me “Yemi never put off till tomorrow what you can do today”, I looked her dead in the eye and with all honesty said “Why, makes no sense to me? Why should I stress out today l, when I can do it just as well tomorrow”.

I learned 4 very valuable lessons that day.

1) It is better to disobey and apologize than argue.

2)Never let those “higher” than you know when you think they are being stupid. Just smile, and nod.

3) Samanja (the military disciplinarian @ the time) really enjoyed his job.

4) My mum is my superhero.

The good old days when my tongue was still razor sharp. Sigh! Miss em

Ciao
D

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Google – Skynet

March 29, 2011 at 5:25 am (Uncategorized) ()

This evening as I was prepping 4 din din it occurred to me.

If machines ever wanted to screw us over and ruin our lives the best and brightest way may be through ‘Google’.

For those who were not awesome enough to watch the “terminator” movies. Skynet is when computers becomes self aware, basically realize we are douchebags and attempt to wack us. (there’s lots of other side stories but that’s the main point). It’s kinda the same idea with the matrix (for the details watch the “animatrix”).

So:

Think about it for a second.

Keep thinking

Don’t stop

When ure done drop a comment with what you came up with.😀

Ciao
D

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Beaver tails

March 29, 2011 at 5:14 am (Uncategorized)

So in keeping with my more recent non derivative related thoughts I as usual imagined a beavers life if it lived in Calabar or Warri {in Nigeria}

Random right? I kid you not that the sequence of thoughts took place with HD quality video in less than 15 secs.

As usual I got bored with X and Y and decided to stretch my legs, walking 2d window I saw two rather fat looking beavers strolling happily on the ice doing their thing.

For those familiar with the Calabar region of Nigeria, you’re very aware that dogs are a delicacy. So imagine – a beaver! Super-deli-cacy or superlicacy if you’ll indulge me.

So imagine with me if you will;

There are two little beeves on a tropical holiday, walking the Calabar streets at night, doing their beevey thing. Then two Calabar guys are walking back with thinking how “food don dey dull them”. Then! they spot the little fat beeves who don’t run cause they forgot that theyre not in Canada.

Fast forward 1hr we have freshly prepared beaver pepper soup with veggies.

No particular evil against beavers intended all I’m saying tho is that those two nonchalant beeves better go thank their forefathers. Life could’ve been very very different.

Random thought

Ciao
D

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Dear Japan #prayforjapan

March 16, 2011 at 12:52 am (Uncategorized) (, )

It’s an unbelievable tragedy whats going on in Japan! It’s one of the few places in the world I can’t wait to visit.

I’m happy though that in as much as the world has her differences there’s unimaginable love flowing in Japans direction.

Today on tv however it was reported that there’s fake redcross websites that take advantage of the good nature of most people. Like WTF!! really mcdouche emperor, people are effing dying and you figure that’s the best time to cash in! You best believe theres a special cell for you down in hell with double portion of sulphur l, brimstone, gnashing of teeth and many many bad baddd things sha. *waka!*

Where was I, yeah please take a moment to pray for Japan if for nothing at all, pray hard so that amine studios, cast, crew etc survive so I can have stuff to watch for summer. ( Don’t judge me).

So kindly say a prayer, and I implore you to donate but verify the site first or give directly to your nearest centre.

God keep us all, these are scary times

#prayforjapan

Arigato Minna!
Yemi

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Intelligence test

March 13, 2011 at 5:36 am (Uncategorized)

I took a uniquely accurate IQ test a few minutes ago and I was like “wow”. Seriously! Here are a few observations or result summaries.

1) Ive got no clue with general affairs, (THEY ARE BORING IS MY EXCUSE)

2) I have a rather vivid imagination.

If you read my blog youre very likely to agree with the second one right. Like lol I never get stuff done in time cause  I daydream almost constantly.

Here are more details about me :

ABIITY TO VISUALIZE- AVG

You are capable of absorbing and analyzing visual information and you have the ability to think and communicate in pictures. You also have the ability to detect patterns in pictures or images and visualize what should come next in a series. You have a creative appreciation of your environment which helps you in many everyday tasks such as memorizing and narrating stories.

SPATIAL AWARENESS- ** Excellent **

You seem to have a very good understanding of physical space and also sharp abstract reasoning abilities. This means that you have a good sense of direction and the ability to view things from varying perspectives. You also have the ability to appreciate art and you can predict how everyday situations change when conditions or events vary

LOGIC ** Average **

You have the ability to reason well and this helps you see where a given set of conditions is going to lead. Your logic skills help you perceive the physical world around you accurately and also give you the capacity to think effectively. The practical significance of a high IQ in this area is significant as it allows you to adapt adequately to new situations

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE ** Below Average **

You are generally uninformed about things that are commonly known and you need to master more commonly known facts in order to have a better general understanding of the world around you.

SHORT TERM MEMORY ** Average **

You can hold many items of information in your short term memory which means that you have a good attention span. You also have the ability to “catch-on” to new information quite fast and you are good at solving problems involving many variables.

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Not too shabby right?

try out your intelligence at http://www.intelligencetest.com

Its got no spam or anything and in the end there’s a bunch of stats and suggestions on how to improve your weakest links.

GET SMART PEOPE!!!

Caio

 





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Give me 2-ply

March 6, 2011 at 3:07 am (Uncategorized)

If you haven’t gathered by now, I’m a rather random human being. This is a good forewarning because of the train my thoughts have taken in the past hour which as opposed to facebook , twitter or bbm status I’ve decided to gather here.

My story begins the first time I use the restroom at Ottawa U. Business duly complete to my dismay the toilet paper was…….Wait for it……. ONEPLY!! ( glass shattering noises in the background as reality bites) being the lady that I am my first thought was ” what da’ f**k!! Who the he’ll does this!!! Cheap b*****ds “. Before this I had been curse free for over 1week! #relapse.

So why am I talking or rather blogging it now and more so why so serious (cause I’m being serious if u haven’t noticed), is because of a near ply incident today.

My self and mon-amie went grocery shopping and lo and behold before my eyes the treacherous 1-ply which of cause brought my “traumatic” experience.

So here’s my blog to the mumu genius that thought about 1ply tissue. I think it’s the dumbest thing ever! You’re not doing the environment any favors cause people simply use twice as much everything from toilet paper to handwash! To the people that use it, you don’t save much (given that ure trying to be cheap) the stuff finishes faster cause much more goes to waste! Then replacement rate us faster negating your saved “dollar”.

As in really!! Jeez!

An unconventionally random topic you might think, but I believe its an unconventionally overlooked problem. As for as I’m concerned, I’m doing my bit for the environment.

So should you.

Ciao
Deaunan

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